Can Hardly Wait!

It's now 12:34am German time so Merry Christmas everyone! But I can hardly sleep a wink! I wish it was 7 am already so my husband and daughter can open all of our gifts! I have always been the one who has problems going to bed the night before Christmas and is always the first one one up at the butt crack of dawn waiting to open my gifts. My husband is sleeping on the couch right now waiting for his raid on WoW to start at 2am and Sarah is fast alseep dreaming of wonderful things.
I even have the Santa tracker by NORAD on so I can see where Santa has visited. Yes I know he's not real, but the child in me can still believe! Right now he is in Guinea fpr two more minutes. Anyway, I really can't wait to spend my first Christmas with Sarah and helping her open her gifts. I know she's doesn't really know what's going on, but next year is going to be more wonderful since it will be in the states and she will know what to do.
My husband and I are going to video tape her and take a lot of pictures which of course will goup on Myspace so the rest of my family and friends can see. I am so blessed to be spending this time with my wonderful family where many others are not able to. I do hope that the men and women serving over in Iraq have a wonderful Christmas this year and are able to talk to their loved ones by either phone or webcam. I'm so thankful and blessed for a lot of things. Hoping everyone has a very Merry Christmas this year!

Might Be Time To Let Go

I have so much stuff racing through my head right now that it's not even funny. But I do have one thing on my mind that keeps repeating over and over in my head. I guess it's because I just have a problem with one of my friends and the many choices she has made over her life. I know it's not my place to say or to tell her how she should live her life, but it just irks me and confuses me is all. I know that if she reads this, she will get mad and all, but this is my blog and I can do what I want with it without using her name and have it be tarnished.
Now it might just be me or other people might have noticed, but she has a tendancy to go from one extreme to another. She is also someone who always has some sort of drama happening in her life which is always for the worse. I have actually never been around someone who has THAT much drama in their life since I try to stay away from it and the people that bring it. But sometimes it does come my way. Anyway, I'm a little peeved at her for a few reasons with the big one being that she is living at my parents place and owes them $900 for rent which they are still waiting for.
She was paying them with some of her disability money that was coming in but in stepped drama and the medical people decided to expire her disability. So she had to go and re-do the paperwork and is now in the process of waiting for it to go into effect. She has classes out in Antioch and has to take the bus out there, but I guess the buss that goes to the school is out in Martinez so my mom has to get up and drive her down there even when my mom doesn't feel like it, but does anyway. My mom got mad at her one day because She didn't bother to look online to see if the busses were running since it was veteran's day or something like that and had my mom drive out there only to turn around and come back home making my mom real late to work so that's why she wasn't very pleased. She also hasn't really tried to help out around the house with chorse and whatnot which she should since my parents are letting her live there and should be grateful to having a place to stay at.
My dad gets grossed out by how she cleans her dishes which in both my parents terms are crappy because there are still food particles stuck to them so they will turn around and re-wash them. My dad got mad because of how messy she has turned my room into and I guess he has told her nicely to try and tidy it up. My parents have already told me that my room will always be my room so that whenever my family and I come to visit, we will have my room. Anyway, I am sorry that this has turned more into a rant than anything else, but it's just something that needs to get off of my chest. Also, I am sorry if I sound cold hearted.
Anyway, my parents and brother are getting real close to telling her to go find a new place to live if she doesn't pay them when her disability comes in since the economy is in poor state and my dad's work is in the slow season with him being a wallpaper and painter contractor. My brother doesn't really care for her and got real mad at when she told him that she would be taking over my place while I'm gone. My brother told my mom F that and that no one could ever replace me and that it would be EONS for him to ever think of her as a sister. The thing that got me peeved at her was when I was on yahoo IM talking to a guy friend of mine ( whom I talk to every know and then) and was telling him about me going to see a new doctor yesterday. I was referred to this doctor to take some tests to see if I am bi-polar and if I am, then what type of bi-polar.
Anyway, when I brought up the issue with my friend that they can't tell if I am bi-polar 1 or 2 he said that he already knew because she had told him! Now whe nI tell a friend or family member about something priavet like that, I don't expect them to go an tell other people even if they are my friends because it's not their place to do so. So I asked when when the last time he talked to her since they have been on and off as firends and he said back when I was still living in Cali when I was still dating Ryan and the 3 of us hung out together. So I of course was not happy that I have a friends of mine telling someone that I am bi-polar when it has never been brought up in my history at all and I have never said anything about it. I didn't even know that I could be Bi-polar until a few days ago when my regular doctor referred me to this new doc!
I really don't appreciate someone saying that at all and even when I do confront her later today, Cali time since I'm nine hours ahead of everyone for the momment, I know she will more than likely act like she has no idea what I am talking about. So I will just have to watch what I say around her and remind my mom not to say certain things around her when it comes to my health. She also will get me a little mad when it comes to my family. Yeah there are times when my husband does things that irritate me with the little things he does or doesn't do with my daughter and I, but I don't need someone telling me "I told you so" or how to do certain things because everyone is different. If I do complain about my husband or daughter, it's more of me venting and just talking about how my day went.
Never asked someone to give me their two cents. The only advice that I will take is from my parent's, my in-laws, doctors and other people who know what the hell they are talking about. I know my life isn't perfect, but her's is FAR from being perfect and needs to focus on her family and compleating school before she can preach to others. (Going to sound like a cold hearted bitch right now) But at least I have a roof over my head, have a wonderful husband that can provide for our daughter and I, we are able to pay our bills, have a car to get us to where we need to go and know what the hell we want in out lives!! Our marriage might not be perfect and we do have our momments when it comes to fights and I am not saying that I am the Harriet Osman of our times, but we do with what we got and are HAPPY!!
So I think I am getting to that point in some people lives where we need to not be friends anymore or not deal with each other for awhile.

Missing The States

I really can't wait to get back to the states and leave this place for a few years. I'm just tired of living here and not being around english speaking people aside from the people on base and housing. Were I can actually find clothes that fit instead of doing my shopping online, can go to a mall and see a movie in english that comes out the day it says instead of it coming out to us the time it finally hits shelves. I also miss real American resturants, but most of all, I miss being around my family and friends.
It sucks being nine hours ahead of everyone and trying to keep in contact with them. That's one of the reasons why I got Myspace so that I can keep in contact with everyone and they can see what I have been up to. It does get tiring seeing the same places and a lot of my friends that I made over here in Germany are mostly in their 30's. All of my friends that are my age are back in Cali. So I miss being around people my age and doing fun stuff.
Sarah is too young to travel to certain places with us including some of the child friendly ones. It wont be a lot fun taking her places until she is a little older, walking and can talk better. Haha. This is the farthest I have been from my family and friends even though I love being with Ryan and Sarah and doing things with them, it just gets kinda depressing when the people you love, can't be there to share it with you.
A majority of both Ryan and my family have yet to meet Sarah in person and play with her which makes me sad. They also couldn't be there for me when I was pregnant with her and share all the special moments. I still feel bad that my grandma who passed away on the 2nd of this month never got to meet her, but only saw her in pictures. Right now in my mind, being in the states will make a lot of things better and easier for family and friends to meet her and to see us.
Plus it wont cost people and arm and a leg to fly out to Germany. We are going to try and fly out to Cali and Georgia for the Summer for both June and possibly July. But we will see how money is for us. Thank God we have less than a year before coming back to the states!!

Poor Caylee. R.I.P.

So I read a few days ago about the feds saying that the childs remains do belong to Caylee. I kinda knew that they probably were her's with them being not so far from her house. I don't understand how a mother (if she was the one to do it) could look their child in the eye and kill them cold heartedly. I know we all get frustrated with our kids and get mad at them, but we don't go so overboard to harm them. I can't even picture myself doing that to Sarah.
How does one even get into that mind frame and do that? I hope she's now in heaven at peace walking hand in hand with God. It just really sickens me when any small child is killed for no reason. I really do hope that her mother gets the maximim sentance for her crimes. Man that gets me mad.

Never Easy To Say Goodbye To A Loved One

On December 2nd of this year, I got a phone call from my Uncle that my grandma passed away early that morning. I knew a few days ago that she was terminally ill with Lymphoma Cancer. The doctors said that she had a few hours to a few days to live, but I never thought she would have left this world so soon! Today they are going to have a small service at the Laffeyette Cemetary and then a wake at my Uncles house in Paso Robes. I'm still both shock and very crushed.
She was the healthiest woman that I have known. She would always get up at 5am and walk 5 miles around her neighborhood, ate healthy, worked out in the pool and so much more! I miss her so much and it really sucks that I can't be in the states to be with family and to visit her gravesite. She was a very strong and beautiful woman and has overcome many things in her life. She's a survivor of the Hiroshima bombings and I will never forget the stories she would tell me about how she survivied.
She even overcame a heart attack that she had when she was 25 that actually did kill her, but was able to revive her. I know my grandpa is taking the loss really hard. He loved her so much even through the worst of times. I hope he doesn't relapse and go back to drinking heavily andtry to kill himself from drinking too much. I do know that he will probably be the next to go since his soulmate is no longer with him, dying of a broken heart.
This will be my first actually crappy Christmas this year. The only thing good that will be coming out of this Christmas is celebrating Sarah's first Christmas. She never got to meet her great grandma, but I show her her picture everyday. My grandma got to see pictures of Sarah that I would send to her or ones that my cousin would print out from myspace. I will never forget my grandma and will always remember everything that we did together forever!!
I know my mom and Uncle are taking it really hard as well and it will take a long time for the pain to subside. My family and I should be coming back to Cali for June and July and durring our time there, my mom and I will plan a trip to pay our respects to grandma. I'm going to try and take things one day at a time and keep remembering that she's with God and the rest of her family living in peace and harmony. I made sure that grandpa told her that I loved her very much two days before she passed away. I'm going to go cry a little more now. :(

We All HAve Our Off Days

So over the weekend, my husband and I couldn't figure out why Sarah was being so difficult until late Sunday night. She was just having an off day and was overly tired since she hadn't slept well since Thanksgiving. Though I think she might be getting an ear infection where as my husband thinks it's because she was constipated. It could be a lot of things, but thankfully she slept though the night and has been better since. It sucks not being able to make your baby feel better or know what's wrong.
Sarah goes for her 6 month check up on the 9th. I can't believe how much time has passed and how big and independent she is getting. She is trying to stand up by herself without using the help of a table or anything that she can use to prop herself up and try to get into the walking position. Her doctor said that since she is advancing farther than most babies her age, that she wouldn't be surprised if she started to walk at 7 months! She is just growing way too fast and is in the middle of a growth spurt because she is eating like crazy!
She still can't say any words though sometimes when she babbles, it sounds like she says yeah a lot. Haha. I will write more about her after her baby well check up on the 9th.