R.I.P. Grandpa

My grandfather was the best grandpa you could ever have and he was also my hero! He served in WWII with the Italian Army and I loved hearing all that he did and accomplished. He was born in Portofino, Italy where his family still lives and his sister's own a clothing boutique. He was your true blooded Italian and loved life. He was a skilled wallpaper hanger and painter, great fisherman, photographer and would always make most of his Italian dishes from scratch.
He was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer. At first the doctors gave him 2-6 months to live since he didn't want any treatment, but then in September, things got worse. His cancer had spread to his hips and that they found a large tumor making his chances of passing to a few days to a maybe 2 weeks. They had him on a lot of heavy drugs to ease the pain which in turn gave him dementia. So one minute he would think that he was back in Italy, then in the 70's, then to where he remembered me being a baby and so on.
He wasn't eating or drinking well so they had him come home to my grandma's and have hospice take care of him. My family took pictures of him when he was in the hospital and he looked so different from when I last saw him in February/March of this year. He lost so much weight and literally looked like a Holocaust Survivor which of course got me upset and crying.
I feel so blessed that he was able to see Sarah in person and spend time with her. He passed away on September 30, 2009 at 2:45am. He was only 15 days short of celebrating his 60th Anniversary with my grandma.
I miss him so much and everytime I see a picture of him or hear a song that he would listen to all the time, the waterworks just start coming on. I have so many funny and happy memories of him and like to remember him when he was healthy and energetic. One thing I find interesting out of all of this is that when I was 1 1/2 my great grandpa Mario passed away and Papa Bob as I have always called my grandpa, passed away and Sarah is 1 1/2 years old. I will always cherish my grandpa and remind Sarah of her great grandpa with stories and pictures of her with him. You will always be missed, but never forgotten Papa Bob!!!
I love you and miss you terribly!!!!!!

My First Oktoberfest

My first Oktoberfest was a good one though I went with a friend to the one being held on base instead of in Munich due to it being exspensive and my husband being away. Nonetheless, I still had a lot of fun and got to meet Shop Boyz in person along with a free concert!! I wasn't exspecting them to be there since the flyers didn't mention them at all so it was a nice surprise. My daughter was having a playdate with my friend and her daughter so that I could enjoy myself. I needed to have some fun especially since my grandfather passed away on the 30th of September, but that will be talked about in another post.
The food and beer was great along with the music. Shop Boyz only stayed for about 30mins because they were playing later that night at some stadium. They played their hit song, Party Like A Rockstar which of course I was dancing and video taping my fun with my friend. We stayed for three hours before calling it a night. But it was good to get out of the house by myself and have fun without having to worry about a lot of things.

Close To Being Halfway There!

I am happy to say that I have now lost 16lbs within two months! I am 4lbs closer to hitting the halfway mark on my weightloss goal of 40lbs. This truely one goal of mine that I have stuck to and haven't given up on. I have a lot more energy and can do more things than before. A lot fo my friends and family have already started to notice the change and have all been very supportive and positive to me.
I am very happy and am positive that next summer, I will have a bikini worthy body. Haha. I've been eating a lot healthier, hardly drink soda, don't go to bars, cut back on my sugar intake, and drinking more water. I have also been working out for almost 5 days every week for 1 1/2 hours with my husband. It's always a lot more fun when you can workout with a friend or family member. I know I will reach my goal by staying positive and keep doing what I have been doing.
I've never been a real heavy person my whole life, but I have in the past gotten a lil tummy or lost muscle tone, but nothing that can't be fixed. Lol. Now to go hit the gym!

My Little Princess Turned 1 Two Days Ago!

I can't believe that a year ago I gave birth to a beautiful little girl and now she is growing up before my eyes! She is truely a blessing to both my husband and I. She's walking like a pro, already has her own unique lil personality and I know some of the looks she gives us, we will be seeing when she's a teenager. We are throwing her a birthday party this Saturday and will be having around 30+ friends coming. We even got her a really nice kiddie pool for her and the other kids to play in.
It's suppose to be hot and sunny that day so keep your fingers crossed. Ryan and I love her so much and can't wait to see what she has in store for us until her second birthday. Well I am off to go play with my daughter since she's jumping in her jumparoo.

11 Months

My beautiful daughter turned 11 months on the 9th of this month and I truely can't believe how fast time has gone by! Sarah has grown so much and has taught me many things not only as a mother, but myself. I really can't believe that she is going to be turning 1 next month! I still remember being pregnant with her and seeing and holding her for the first time when she was born. I still think of her being that tiny 8lb bundle of joy.
Now she is walking like a pro, can say a few words, climbs on everything, studies everything she can get her hands on, plays with our dog, climb up a flight of stairs and has even tried running! I really can't wait to see what else she can do after she turns 1. I love her so much and would do anything for her. I'm trying to be the best mom that I can and provide her with everything with Ryan's help of course and make sure that she is happy and healthy.
She's only been sick once when she caught the Noro Virus back in January and has had many diaper rashes, but other than that she has been very active and healthy. She really is a great baby and I haven't had any problems with her aside from teething. She's getting her last front bottom tooth that is real close to breaking through the gum. So now she will have four teeth.
I love feeding her her babyfood and watch her bite down on the spoon and not let it go. She has the cutest exspressions which I know I will see more of when she hits her pre-teen and teen years. Ryan and I do plan on having another child later down the road though I want to start trying when Sarah gets closer to three and Ryan of course wants to wait 4 years down the road. But either way, we are going to have more than one child. Who knows, we might get blessed with twins since it runs on Ryan's side of the family. Lol.

For Once In My Life

For once in my life, I feel like everything is in place and the puzzle compleate. I couldn't be more happier or at peace than right now. I'm finally taking charge of my life for the better and focusing a lil more on me instead of giving my all to everyone and trying to please them and make sure they are happy aside from Ryan and Sarah. My marriage to Ryan has never been better or stronger especially with help from a councilor who helped us be better at communicating with eachother. Seeing that councilor was the best thing we could have done and I highly recommend it to anyone in a relationship.
I know we will hit a few bumps in the road, but I know we can get through anything! Two months before we celebrate our 3rd Anniversary! I love him with all of my heart and am very lucky to have him in my life. He's the best thing that could ever happen to me and being with him has openend my eyes about the kind of person I am and can be including overcoming stuff from my past and the bad qualities I have been trying to work on. Ryan truely loves me for me and has been supportive with all of my decisions and helped me through difficults times especially with my health.
We've finally connected on a different level as husband and wife. He's a really great father who adores Sarah with all of his heart. Yes, it's hard for both of us with him being gone long hours at work and not really spending time with us, but we have learned to cherish the momments we do share even if it's for an hour or two. I have finally gotten over my insecurities and if they do decide to creep back up, I know how to handle them in a good way. I'm being more active as a housewife though I do plan on working again as a massage therapist once we come back to the states.
I know I'm a great mother and always make sure that Sarah is very well taken care of. I've made my goal on wanting to lose weight and so far have been doing a really good job at it! I'm also learning to not take a lot of things so seriously and that it's ok to laugh at stupid stuff and being silly. I used to be silly all the time, but after being with my last ex who didn't approve of me being me, I stopped and started acting more serious. I stand by my husband and will defend him against anyone who says crap about him that I find wrong.
I am finally getting back to being the old me and taking charge of my life. I feel like I can get through anything that life could throw at me because I know I am a strong woman. It just took me a while to re-find myself again. I don't plan on ever going back to the old self that was living in a nutshell of uncertanties and thinking about how other people view me and how I act. If they don't like the way I look then they can look somewhere else. If they don't like the way I act then they can go hang out with other people.
I know that not everyone is going to like me or want to be my friend, but that is their choice and I am fine with that.

Trying to Fullfill a Goal and Make it Stick

So it's been 9 and a half months since I have given birth to Sarah and I have lost the pregnancy weight, but now I am trying to work on a new goal mainly for myself and hope to actually stick with it. I hate coming up with a goal doing well and then usually half way I will stop what I was doing or give up. So I am going to try and break that cycle even if it kills me!!

Also I have talked with my husband and have asked him to help and support me with this goal of mine. So hear is my goal and you can laugh at it if you want, but I want to try and lose 40lbs within the next four months. So that means I will be hitting the Gym 4-5 times a week doing Cardio and Strength training, cut my calories to 1600 and cut out salt.

I really need to improve my upper body strength since I am weak in that area and didn't realize it until I went rock climbing with a friend and only got 3 feet off the ground. Lol. I also want to tone my triceps since they are a lil droppy, tone and firm my tummy since I have a pooch as I like to call it, firm my booty and thighs and just be overall healthy.

Also, I would like to try and wear a bikini if not by this Summer, but by next Summer since it's been a long time since I have worn one. I think the last time I wore a bikini was back in 5th grade and then I got insecure with how my body looked and would only wear a one piece. I also started to eat more which to this day I have kicked myself for going down that dark path.

I will be the first to say that I have done the yo-yo dieting and have lost and gained weight, but this time I plan on keeping the weight off and look healthy, but not like the Hollywood scary skinny. My doctor said that a healthy weight for me would be between 120-130lbs so my goal is to try and get down to 130lbs. I know I will be able to do it with the constant support from my husband, family and friends.

I know I am not fat and and not morbidly obease, but I could stand to lose some more weight since I am in the overweight category though I do not look like it mainly because I am mostly all boobs and booty. Lol. I also know that this will not be an easy road for me and that I will have to change the way I eat and not be too much of a couch potatoe. So wish me luck and I will keep everyone up to date with my progress.

Here's to hoping that I can attain my goal and not give up!

So Proud of My Husband!

I thank God every day for blessing me with such a wonderful and amazing husband and father. Yesterday he got automatically promoted to SGT. and he couldn't be happier. I am so proud of him. He works very hard and is awesome at what he does. I'm always in amazement by him and how he always perseveres even when the tasks are hard.
He always puts his heart and soul into whatever he is doing and rarely complains. I really don't know what I would do without him. He is my rock and is always good to me. I don't think I could have found a better man than him. I'm always telling him how much I love him and how proud of him I am. I really can't wait for him to come home Friday and hopefully on Monday, I will get to pin him at his pinning ceremony.
He really deserves it and I am glad that his fellow soldiers saw all the hard work he has done and have aknowledged him. I love my SGT. with all of my heart and couldn't be more prouder of him!

Where does the time go?

Sarah is 9 months soon to be 10 months. I can't believe that she will be a year old in less than 3 months! She has changed so much from when she was a newborn. She can say momma, dada, nana, wave hi and bye, clap hands, turn a flash light on and off, crawl and standing on her own. Doctors say that she is really smart and is two months ahead development wise compared to other babies her age.

She might try taking her first step next month and possibly even start to walk! She is always deep in thought and thinking whenever she gets something new in her hands as if she is trying to figure out the correct process to making things work. I am always in amazement by the things she does. I know I will have my hands full once she starts to walk and do more things.

I love her so much! She'll always be my Sarah bear until the end of time. We had a lot of fun In Cali and Ga, but we are glad to be back home. Only 3 more days until Ryan comes home from Garmisch and I can't wait to be in his arms again. Hopefully by the end of this month, we will see where we will be stationed stateside.

Giving Her the Cold Shoulder

It really makes me angry and hurt when I have one of my friends tell me how excited she is to see me and my daughter and can't wait for us to hang out and go to the mall and do other things, an then once I arrive, she turns around and act completely different and standoffish.
I mean I have been back in Cali for almost a month with my daughter so my family and friends can see me and Sarah. Mostly to have family finally meet Sarah in person since I gave birth to her in Germany. Sarah, my husband and I wont be back in the states until sometime in November.
My one friend who has been living with my family for six months and still has yet to pay my family any rent money, but will be getting evicted on April 3rd, told me she was really excited about me coming back to Cali and that she couldn't wait for us to hang out and do things together.
I haven't done anything with her since arriving here 3 weeks ago!! The whole time I have been here, she has been standoffish to me and will only talk to me when it has something to do with her and whatever drama comes her way. I've asked her a few times if she wanted to go with me somewhere like the store or mall and every time she says no or doesn't want to be tempted to buy something when she has no money to spend.
Aside from her going to class every Monday to Thursday unless my mom can't give her a ride to the buss stop, she gets in her pj's which she will wear for a week straight and get on the computer for the rest of the day and evening talking to her Wheel of Time Guild! I would have been staying in my room with my daughter while I am here, but she has too much junk in my room that it's ridiculous! So I sleep on an air mattress in the living room. Her junk is piled all along my bedroom walls and stop just short right under my window sills!
She has made no attempt to ask me if I want to do something with her at all and hardly talks to me. So I am fed up with her and have basically been giving her the cold shoulder and I do mean cold. I basically live like she doesn't exist in my parents home and I wont let her do anything with my daughter because she is an irresponsible person and dimwit when it comes to common sense. She went into the kitchen where my mom was one night (I was taking a shower) and placed Sarah on the dirty kitchen floor that has yet to be cleaned and is where the dogs pee and poop! On another day, right after I changed her, I asked my friend, Nancy to watch Sarah for me while I went into the garage to dispose of the dirty diaper and when I came back I found my daughter crawling on pee pee pads while Nancy was on her laptop talking to her guild friends!!
Her answer to me was "oh I'm sorry. She was right in front of me a few seconds ago." Another day I was going to feed my daughter, but i had to use the restroom and Nancy heard me tell my daughter that I would feed her when I got out. I come out of the restroom and there she is feeding Sarah! So whenever she tries to play with Sarah or try to hold her, I will stop her and grab Sarah away from her. I also wont let my daughter play with Nancy's kids old toys because they are not clean.
She'll blow raspberries at Sarah and will get spit on her face which makes me mad because she hardly brushes her teeth, will shower every 3-4 days, doesn't put deodorant on, doesn't shave, doesn't bleach her mustache which is very visible or pluck her chin hairs which are also very visable yet thinks she is the most beautiful woman on earth. NOT!!!!
She's slowly starting to realize that I am ignoring and not acknowledging her because last night she would walk out into the livingroom into the kitchen and would look at me as she walked by. She would also purposly stand close to me to see if I would look and even took my dog that I left wth my parents because he's old into my room to see if I would go in there so she could talk to me but I didn't and she put my dog back in the living room.
Now normally I am not one to be cold hearted, but I am sick and tired of dealing with her crap and how everything has to be about her and the drama she brings. I'm mad that she hasn't paid my famly the rent money espesially how she says that we are like her second family and then pulls that crap on my parents. She also lied to my face about a conversation with my dad and when I asked my dad, he said that it never happened. Of course I am going to believe my father over her. I'm tired of her using the feel sorry card so people will give her what she wants.
She's a 34 year old who doesn't have a stable life, doesn't have custody of her three kids, can' figure out what she wants to do with life, yet wants to have all of these designer celebrity things. She also goes through men like dollar bills and has had 2 failed marriages. She married a 21 year old who wants out of the marriage and she's seeing a 23 year old marine who has it in his head that she is the most beautiful thing on earth and wants her to marry him in about 6 years though they have yet to meet in person! He'll dump her as soon as he sees the really bad eper that she has and how she always has to blame others and how nothing is ever her fault.
Plus she wont wait that long for him since she gets bored with guys real easy or when they get low on money. So I'm not sorry for sounding like a cold hearted person because I am at my limit with her and am just waiting for her to make that one big mistake with me so that I have a good reason to let my claws come out.
I can be very nasty when I have to be and can really hit below the belt wth someone that it would make any military man blush and head for the hills.

Been Awhile and the Perfect Dress

Been a while since I have last written on here. So much has been going on and all of them good! I'm in Cali visiting family with my daughter and am having fun before heading back to Germany. I am so proud of my husban and all that he does not only for our country, but for him just being such a wonderful husband and father.

Yeah we have hit rough patches here and there, but who doesn't. We will have been married for 3 years come June and Sarah will be turning a year old that same month. We will be coming bck to the states soon which both of us are happy about. Life is going great right now for us. I just got done reading my friends blogs and to be honnest, one of the sayings that she used is so true. There have been times where I have felt like walls were closing in on me and then realize that I don't have it that bad compared to other people who have things worse going for them.

I think a lot of us forget to stop and think about things like that. There will always be someone worse off than you and someone worse off than them like an unending cycle. I mean you can't have the yin without the yang which I find to be true for many things.

Today was a great day for me because I found the perfect ball gown for the Army Ball this June! It fit me perfectly and I told the sales people to be brutally honnest with me since I hate having people say one thing when they are actually thinking another. They said that it was like the dress was made for me and that it goes perfectly with my husbands class A's. A few of my friends will see the dress after I have two alterations done to it on Friday. Mostly I am a hard person to make up my mind on what dress I want, but as soon as I saw it and tried it on, I knew it was the one.

Like the dress picked me out as corny as that sounds. LOL. Good thing is that I can wear the dress without a bra and the girls stay put. That was a big issue for me since I have the mother of all boobs when it comes to size. Lets just say that they are bigger than a triple D and are all natural.

My husband might have a heart attack becase the dress was close to $400 dollars, but it was so worth it and I do plan on wearing it more than once. So we will see how things go!

So The New Year Begins

Out with the old year and in with the new one. Hopefully this year will be better for me and my family than last year with my grandma's passing and both my dad and I having bad health issues arise. So far it has gotten of to an ok start with Sarah having her first real cold. Let me tell you that it's no picnic cleaning baby diarraha. Very messy especially when it gets onto the clothes.
My husband and I re-arranged the livingroom so now it is more baby friendly and gives us more space. Plus Sarah has her own little area to play in instead of being in the little hall area between the living and dining room. We had to go buy Sarah Pediasure since she has the runs so we will see if that helps. It kinda sucks living overseas and the clinic on base closes at 4:30pm. There is only one pediatrician and you are lucky if you can even get your child seen that day, otherwise you have to go out on the economy and deal with the language barrier. So right now the advice nurse on the phone is our friend and is probably tired of us calling them everytime there is something wrong with Sarah. Lol.
I can't wait to get back to the states where I know I can take her to a minor care unit and have her be seen without a problem and not worry about a language barrier. I will miss Germany after being back in the states after a while, but I know that more than likely that there is a chance that I can always come back here after a few years so I am not worried. I just need to be back where things are normal for me and I can actually talk to my family and friends at a decent time for once. So here's to hoping that this year is a great one!