R.I.P. Grandpa

My grandfather was the best grandpa you could ever have and he was also my hero! He served in WWII with the Italian Army and I loved hearing all that he did and accomplished. He was born in Portofino, Italy where his family still lives and his sister's own a clothing boutique. He was your true blooded Italian and loved life. He was a skilled wallpaper hanger and painter, great fisherman, photographer and would always make most of his Italian dishes from scratch.
He was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer. At first the doctors gave him 2-6 months to live since he didn't want any treatment, but then in September, things got worse. His cancer had spread to his hips and that they found a large tumor making his chances of passing to a few days to a maybe 2 weeks. They had him on a lot of heavy drugs to ease the pain which in turn gave him dementia. So one minute he would think that he was back in Italy, then in the 70's, then to where he remembered me being a baby and so on.
He wasn't eating or drinking well so they had him come home to my grandma's and have hospice take care of him. My family took pictures of him when he was in the hospital and he looked so different from when I last saw him in February/March of this year. He lost so much weight and literally looked like a Holocaust Survivor which of course got me upset and crying.
I feel so blessed that he was able to see Sarah in person and spend time with her. He passed away on September 30, 2009 at 2:45am. He was only 15 days short of celebrating his 60th Anniversary with my grandma.
I miss him so much and everytime I see a picture of him or hear a song that he would listen to all the time, the waterworks just start coming on. I have so many funny and happy memories of him and like to remember him when he was healthy and energetic. One thing I find interesting out of all of this is that when I was 1 1/2 my great grandpa Mario passed away and Papa Bob as I have always called my grandpa, passed away and Sarah is 1 1/2 years old. I will always cherish my grandpa and remind Sarah of her great grandpa with stories and pictures of her with him. You will always be missed, but never forgotten Papa Bob!!!
I love you and miss you terribly!!!!!!

My First Oktoberfest

My first Oktoberfest was a good one though I went with a friend to the one being held on base instead of in Munich due to it being exspensive and my husband being away. Nonetheless, I still had a lot of fun and got to meet Shop Boyz in person along with a free concert!! I wasn't exspecting them to be there since the flyers didn't mention them at all so it was a nice surprise. My daughter was having a playdate with my friend and her daughter so that I could enjoy myself. I needed to have some fun especially since my grandfather passed away on the 30th of September, but that will be talked about in another post.
The food and beer was great along with the music. Shop Boyz only stayed for about 30mins because they were playing later that night at some stadium. They played their hit song, Party Like A Rockstar which of course I was dancing and video taping my fun with my friend. We stayed for three hours before calling it a night. But it was good to get out of the house by myself and have fun without having to worry about a lot of things.

Close To Being Halfway There!

I am happy to say that I have now lost 16lbs within two months! I am 4lbs closer to hitting the halfway mark on my weightloss goal of 40lbs. This truely one goal of mine that I have stuck to and haven't given up on. I have a lot more energy and can do more things than before. A lot fo my friends and family have already started to notice the change and have all been very supportive and positive to me.
I am very happy and am positive that next summer, I will have a bikini worthy body. Haha. I've been eating a lot healthier, hardly drink soda, don't go to bars, cut back on my sugar intake, and drinking more water. I have also been working out for almost 5 days every week for 1 1/2 hours with my husband. It's always a lot more fun when you can workout with a friend or family member. I know I will reach my goal by staying positive and keep doing what I have been doing.
I've never been a real heavy person my whole life, but I have in the past gotten a lil tummy or lost muscle tone, but nothing that can't be fixed. Lol. Now to go hit the gym!

My Little Princess Turned 1 Two Days Ago!

I can't believe that a year ago I gave birth to a beautiful little girl and now she is growing up before my eyes! She is truely a blessing to both my husband and I. She's walking like a pro, already has her own unique lil personality and I know some of the looks she gives us, we will be seeing when she's a teenager. We are throwing her a birthday party this Saturday and will be having around 30+ friends coming. We even got her a really nice kiddie pool for her and the other kids to play in.
It's suppose to be hot and sunny that day so keep your fingers crossed. Ryan and I love her so much and can't wait to see what she has in store for us until her second birthday. Well I am off to go play with my daughter since she's jumping in her jumparoo.

11 Months

My beautiful daughter turned 11 months on the 9th of this month and I truely can't believe how fast time has gone by! Sarah has grown so much and has taught me many things not only as a mother, but myself. I really can't believe that she is going to be turning 1 next month! I still remember being pregnant with her and seeing and holding her for the first time when she was born. I still think of her being that tiny 8lb bundle of joy.
Now she is walking like a pro, can say a few words, climbs on everything, studies everything she can get her hands on, plays with our dog, climb up a flight of stairs and has even tried running! I really can't wait to see what else she can do after she turns 1. I love her so much and would do anything for her. I'm trying to be the best mom that I can and provide her with everything with Ryan's help of course and make sure that she is happy and healthy.
She's only been sick once when she caught the Noro Virus back in January and has had many diaper rashes, but other than that she has been very active and healthy. She really is a great baby and I haven't had any problems with her aside from teething. She's getting her last front bottom tooth that is real close to breaking through the gum. So now she will have four teeth.
I love feeding her her babyfood and watch her bite down on the spoon and not let it go. She has the cutest exspressions which I know I will see more of when she hits her pre-teen and teen years. Ryan and I do plan on having another child later down the road though I want to start trying when Sarah gets closer to three and Ryan of course wants to wait 4 years down the road. But either way, we are going to have more than one child. Who knows, we might get blessed with twins since it runs on Ryan's side of the family. Lol.

For Once In My Life

For once in my life, I feel like everything is in place and the puzzle compleate. I couldn't be more happier or at peace than right now. I'm finally taking charge of my life for the better and focusing a lil more on me instead of giving my all to everyone and trying to please them and make sure they are happy aside from Ryan and Sarah. My marriage to Ryan has never been better or stronger especially with help from a councilor who helped us be better at communicating with eachother. Seeing that councilor was the best thing we could have done and I highly recommend it to anyone in a relationship.
I know we will hit a few bumps in the road, but I know we can get through anything! Two months before we celebrate our 3rd Anniversary! I love him with all of my heart and am very lucky to have him in my life. He's the best thing that could ever happen to me and being with him has openend my eyes about the kind of person I am and can be including overcoming stuff from my past and the bad qualities I have been trying to work on. Ryan truely loves me for me and has been supportive with all of my decisions and helped me through difficults times especially with my health.
We've finally connected on a different level as husband and wife. He's a really great father who adores Sarah with all of his heart. Yes, it's hard for both of us with him being gone long hours at work and not really spending time with us, but we have learned to cherish the momments we do share even if it's for an hour or two. I have finally gotten over my insecurities and if they do decide to creep back up, I know how to handle them in a good way. I'm being more active as a housewife though I do plan on working again as a massage therapist once we come back to the states.
I know I'm a great mother and always make sure that Sarah is very well taken care of. I've made my goal on wanting to lose weight and so far have been doing a really good job at it! I'm also learning to not take a lot of things so seriously and that it's ok to laugh at stupid stuff and being silly. I used to be silly all the time, but after being with my last ex who didn't approve of me being me, I stopped and started acting more serious. I stand by my husband and will defend him against anyone who says crap about him that I find wrong.
I am finally getting back to being the old me and taking charge of my life. I feel like I can get through anything that life could throw at me because I know I am a strong woman. It just took me a while to re-find myself again. I don't plan on ever going back to the old self that was living in a nutshell of uncertanties and thinking about how other people view me and how I act. If they don't like the way I look then they can look somewhere else. If they don't like the way I act then they can go hang out with other people.
I know that not everyone is going to like me or want to be my friend, but that is their choice and I am fine with that.

Trying to Fullfill a Goal and Make it Stick

So it's been 9 and a half months since I have given birth to Sarah and I have lost the pregnancy weight, but now I am trying to work on a new goal mainly for myself and hope to actually stick with it. I hate coming up with a goal doing well and then usually half way I will stop what I was doing or give up. So I am going to try and break that cycle even if it kills me!!

Also I have talked with my husband and have asked him to help and support me with this goal of mine. So hear is my goal and you can laugh at it if you want, but I want to try and lose 40lbs within the next four months. So that means I will be hitting the Gym 4-5 times a week doing Cardio and Strength training, cut my calories to 1600 and cut out salt.

I really need to improve my upper body strength since I am weak in that area and didn't realize it until I went rock climbing with a friend and only got 3 feet off the ground. Lol. I also want to tone my triceps since they are a lil droppy, tone and firm my tummy since I have a pooch as I like to call it, firm my booty and thighs and just be overall healthy.

Also, I would like to try and wear a bikini if not by this Summer, but by next Summer since it's been a long time since I have worn one. I think the last time I wore a bikini was back in 5th grade and then I got insecure with how my body looked and would only wear a one piece. I also started to eat more which to this day I have kicked myself for going down that dark path.

I will be the first to say that I have done the yo-yo dieting and have lost and gained weight, but this time I plan on keeping the weight off and look healthy, but not like the Hollywood scary skinny. My doctor said that a healthy weight for me would be between 120-130lbs so my goal is to try and get down to 130lbs. I know I will be able to do it with the constant support from my husband, family and friends.

I know I am not fat and and not morbidly obease, but I could stand to lose some more weight since I am in the overweight category though I do not look like it mainly because I am mostly all boobs and booty. Lol. I also know that this will not be an easy road for me and that I will have to change the way I eat and not be too much of a couch potatoe. So wish me luck and I will keep everyone up to date with my progress.

Here's to hoping that I can attain my goal and not give up!